


you're the highlight of my lowlife

by smallredboy



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Coming Out, Friends With Benefits, Gay John Laurens, Jewish Character, M/M, Mentioned Alexander Hamilton, Mentioned Past Cheating, Mild Sexual Content, No Malicious Transphobia, Trans Aaron Burr, john is cis and clueless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-06-06 11:42:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15194045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallredboy/pseuds/smallredboy
Summary: Aaron and John have been sharing an apartment for a while, and Aaron's got to come out (of the closet and of his shell) sometime.





	you're the highlight of my lowlife

**Author's Note:**

> title from 'lowlife' by poppy. this will make a lil bit more sense if you read 'he ain't a man and he sure as hell ain't honest' but you don't need to. 
> 
> enjoy!

Aaron is a little bit nervous to mention this to John. He needs help with his shots most of the time — and he was able to ask Herc to come over last week, but it isn’t the case today. John is a cis gay man, and he’s had cis gay men be accepting just as much as he’s had cis gay men be outwardly transphobic. They’re a mixed bag, just like pretty much everyone else, and he’s a bit afraid.

What if John kicks him out of his apartment? What if he tells him he’s a girl no matter what he does? What if he says he’d never fuck a trans man, as they’ve got a vagina? What if, what if, what if.

He goes to John’s room; he doesn’t often, as he can barely stand it. His room is terribly messy, unfinished paintings all over the walls. It smells like weed, although John hasn’t smoked in his presence yet. John has a paintbrush in his hand and he’s chewing on a brownie, his brows furrowed in focus. His hair falls to his mid-back, curly and messy. Aaron can’t deny that the man’s attractive, but when fear grips at his heart he really can’t focus on John’s good looks.

He walks around the room and taps John’s shoulder. He almost jumps from his seat, and turns around. “You scared me!” he exclaims, but his lips turn into a grin nonetheless. Aaron tries to laugh, but it doesn’t come out of his mouth. He’s fucking terrified.

Aaron doesn’t say anything for a while, feeling like something is stuck in his throat.

“You alright?” John asks, blinking up at him with a concerned look. He puts his paintbrush down and leaves it on the easel, getting up from his chair. 

“I…” He’s _ this close _ to panicking. Coming out to people is always hard. “I… I’m trans. I’m trans, I’m a trans man and I need your help with my testosterone shot.”

John’s eyes widen and he looks at Aaron for a few seconds, not saying anything.

“I’ll grab my things,” he murmurs, hanging his head low — his heart still is beating quick with fear.

“No!” John immediately exclaims, putting a hand on his shoulder. “No, Aaron, it’s okay! Don’t worry! I was just surprised! I would’ve never guessed!”   


“When I’m three years in testosterone I don’t expect you to,” Aaron replies, sounding a little exasperated as his body immediately calms down. He’s safe, and John isn’t kicking him out, and his fear disappears.

“Ah,” John says, face flushing red. Aaron tries to smile, seem more welcoming. He can tell John is just clueless and not intentionally transphobic. “So, what help do you need?”

Aaron looks down. Admitting he still needs some help with the syringe feels stupid, he can do it alone — an idea crosses his mind and his face warms up. He looks at John’s hands, paint on his fingertips. He wonders just how it’d feel to have his fingers laced on his.

“I… um, I like to have someone hold my hand while I do it,” he says. He stops himself from grinning a little deviously.

He looks up just to see John’s reaction. John’s eyes widen, but he doesn’t say anything besides a quiet, “Okay.”   


Aaron goes to get the syringe, fills it up with the liquid and sits down at the couch, John following him. There’s a bit of silence as he pulls his pants down to his knees, revealing his boxer shorts. John stares at his fuzzy legs for a few seconds before looking away, face burning. Aaron laughs a little and laces his fingers with his. He can feel the paint stain his knuckles, but it’s sorta cute.

Aaron pushes the syringe inside and he holds John’s hand tight, cursing quietly. John smiles and uses his free hand to rub circles into Aaron’s thigh. He pulls the syringe out after a few seconds and cleans it up with some cotton. “Thank you,” Aaron says.

“No problem, Aaron,” he replies, squeezing his hand before getting up. He looks at Aaron again, and he looks at him up and down — it doesn’t feel gross like it’s done by other cis men before, Aaron notices. It’s genuine interest; like he’s trying to see every inch of his body. It makes warmth pool at his belly. 

John goes back to his bedroom, and Aaron looks down at his hand. There’s yellow paint near his knuckles. He smiles.

* * *

Aaron thinks about the situation with Alexander a lot.

He still has to go to college, and so he still sees him in some classes or in the cafeteria. He avoids talking to him, and he succeeds. He doesn’t seem buddy-buddy with any of his classmates, doesn’t seem to be flirty with anyone. It’s as if he’s truly thinking about his decisions — about cheating on John and trying to excuse it to Aaron — which Aaron appreciates just a little.

Even after three years on testosterone, his sex drive hasn’t calmed down in the least. He’s got fuzz all over and he has to shave his facial hair almost every day, and he’s a lot stronger than three years ago. But he’s a horny mess, and he hates it now that he has nobody to help him deal with it.

And John’s attractive. John is attractive, but he’s a cis gay man who probably would never sleep with a trans man.  _ It’s not that I don’t think you’re a man, I just don’t like vaginas _ ; he can hear John say that, and it’s not like he’d put it against him. People have preferences, it’s fine — it’s fine, really.

Aaron’s lack of subtlety will probably bite him in the ass, but he has to try.

They’re eating Shabbat dinner together. Aaron made it before sundown, and John’s listening to him talk about the traditions with interest. Aaron knows the man is going to convert just like him, and the idea makes him warm. Henry will probably throw a hissy fit over his eldest son being gay and not Christian at all.

“John,” Aaron starts, fiddling with his fork as John eats.

“Mhm?” he asks, mouth full of food. He swallows it and looks at Aaron with interest. The candles flicker between them.

He swallows his pride and says, “Would you ever have sex with a trans man?”

John chokes a little on his spit, clearly taken aback by the lack of subtlety in Aaron’s voice. For a second Aaron’s afraid again — is he going to say something about how he’d never fuck someone with a vagina? But then John says, voice quiet and embarrassed, “Um, I have never done that but, I wouldn’t be opposed to it.” 

Aaron breathes out in relief. “Okay. Next question. Do you find me attractive?”   
  
John scoffs a little. “Yes, Aaron, I find you attractive. You can sleep with me if you want to.” He sounds smug, a little bit, and it makes Aaron grin.

“Don’t sound so smug,” he replies, taking a bite of the challah, “it’s because T makes my sex drive awfully high.”

He laughs and starts eating again. “Whatever you say, sugar.”

Sugar.  _ Oh wow _ . John has a hint of a Southern accent, even though it’s been years since he came to the big city, leaving his past as a country boy behind. It makes his insides twist pleasantly; he called him sugar.

As soon as they finish Shabbat dinner, Aaron and John clean up together. They leave the candles there before heading to the bedroom, grinning at each other.

“I know you’ve never touched a vagina in your cis gay life,” Aaron says with a chuckle, “but I’ll be teaching you, okay?”   


John nods, and before he knows it their lips meet. He can taste the chapstick in John’s lips and the challah they just ate — he kisses him needily and fiercely. John wraps an arm around his waist, pulling him closer. He pushes him towards the bed, still kissing him as he undoes the buttons on his pants and pulls them down. 

Aaron kisses John a lot while he fucks him, tasting his lips and groaning into them. John isn’t rough or careless as he expected him to be — he’s sorta kind and he whimpers Aaron’s name as he holds onto him. It’s almost sweet.

Aaron can forget about Alexander’s rough yet kind touch while John bites down on his neck, leaving kisses along his collar. He’s tender, and he touches the right places and pulls away when Aaron tells him to. John leaves kisses down his torso, ignoring the scars along his chest. 

Once they’re both finished, Aaron pulls John into another kiss.

“That gave me some relief, thank you,” Aaron says, turning so they’re both laying on their sides, holding each other close. John is beautiful — light brown skin and long curls and dark brave eyes.

“We can do it again. I liked it.” He licks his lips and leans closer to Aaron. “This… doesn’t change my sexuality, right?”   
  
Aaron lets out an exasperated sigh and rolls his eyes. “John, you’re a man attracted to men — whether they have a penis or a vagina doesn’t matter. You’re gay as fuck.”

“Sorry, sorry,” he says, bowing his head, “I was just askin’, darlin’.” His Southern drawl slips out after sex, Aaron notices. Knowing that detail makes him impossibly warm.   


Aaron smiles at him. “I know, I know. You’re clueless and cis, but it was great.” He burrows his face on John’s neck. “You’re — um — are we like, friends with benefits, then?”   
  
“I guess?” John says, shrugging. 

“I guess,” Aaron echoes. He bumps noses with John and laughs. “I’m gonna take a nap.”

John rubs his shoulder with his hand. “Okay. Sleep well, Aaron.” He wraps an arm around his waist.

Aaron dozes off like that, in his friend with benefits’ arms, the thoughts of Alexander long gone. 


End file.
